you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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