youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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