How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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