saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
