I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
