Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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