btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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