areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
