He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
