ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
