I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
