I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
