So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
