I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
