i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
