I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
