Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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