My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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