I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
