with your own penis?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
