It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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