It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
