I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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