I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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