So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
