Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
