i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
