So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
