sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
