Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
