Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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