Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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