Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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