How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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