Whod you bang
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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