GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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