god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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