shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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