Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
