I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
