I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
