no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He better not be in your backpack
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
