the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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