she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
