i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We need to rekindle our bromance
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
