Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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