When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
