I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
