no, he came in my armpit
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
