Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
