apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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