We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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