Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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