Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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